Ironic

Before Edwin was born, and when he was just a tiny little baby, I remember feeling nervous about having an infant. Like most new moms, I hadn't experienced caring daily for a little baby and I didn't really know what I was getting into. I remember thinking that if he'd been born at the age of 1, life would've felt more familiar because of my many baby-sitting/nannying experiences with children that age.

Want to know something ironic? Edwin's baby days were not difficult. There were some tough times initially when he learning to nurse, and definitely some frustrating nights when I didn't have a clue why he was awake and crying, but all-in-all he was a pretty easy baby, and I was not sleep-deprived for very long. He learned to sleep well, he nursed well, he travels well, he's cheerful and generally easy to care for.

His entrance into toddlerhood has been less smooth. I expected the desire for autonomy and the expression of opinions, but I didn't expect them quite so soon. Nor did I think I'd be dealing with temper tantrums quite this early. I'm learning a lot about myself in the process, and I don't like what I see some of the time. For example, it is much, much easier to be patient with other people's children than with my own. I feel a bit blown-out-of-the-water by my low patience level, and it's easy to get really down on myself.

It's kind of ironic that one part of his life that I thought would be more difficult ended up being pretty easy while the more familiar part of childhood for me is proving to be the more difficult time.

The Latest and Greatest

I decided it was time to start getting Edwin ready to take over some household chores for when Baby #2 comes along. Think he'll be ready by mid-December?

Good News!

I ran some errands this morning and a friend came over to watch Edwin. The good news about this is that he was just fine! He did some fake crying as I was leaving, but then was happy the rest of the time. This is huge!

He hasn't done so well being watched by others up to this point. Most of the time he bawls his eyes out the entire time. Recently, however, a friend watched him for me one morning for a few hours at her house, and we discovered that he did pretty well if he had his little "blankie bear" with him. That was a wonderful discovery.

He was baby-sat at home this morning, and I think the combination of home and "blankie bear" (and my friend, of course!) made it a much nicer experience than being watched by a stranger in a nursery.

I was relieved last week and today to know that he doesn't wail the whole time I'm gone if he's with some one he knows and is in a familiar environment. I guess this is all pretty logical, but it was good to have two very positive baby-sitting experiences. I feel much better. :)

Mother's Day Song

If you have any connection to the world of science (which in one way or another we all do), you'll appreciate this Mother's Day song.

Not only is it sweet in a geeky science way, it reminds me of the fun songs and skits spoofing life in medical school (and the world of science) that were a part of Dan's - and my! - medical school experience.

Enjoy it, Moms!

Tidbits

Hello? Is anyone there? Anyone still reading this blog of ours?

I realized it's been exactly a month since my last post and figured I'd better blog about something so that anyone who is still checking wouldn't be disappointed.

But what can I tell you? There's nothing burning or brewing or waiting impatiently to be blogged about. I got a cold this week - after returning from vacation - and that pretty much put me out of commission for a couple of days. I found myself wishing Edwin still took two naps a day but was so thankful that he takes a long afternoon nap.

How about some other random tidbits?

I bought flowers and vegetables early in the week (when I could tell a cold was coming but hadn't hit yet) and have a little over half of them planted. Edwin has been my faithful helper in this. He's very good at digging in the dirt and putting that dirt in the watering can.

Some one uprooted and stole 3 of my pansies from a big flower pot that sits by our front steps. The pot itself is too big to steal, so they just pulled up the flowers instead.

I've been enjoying re-reading Keep A Quiet Heart by Elisabeth Elliot and The Blue Castle by L.M. Montgomery. When will some one make a movie based on the The Blue Castle? They really should.

Edwin is now weaned. That's not really a tidbit, I guess. I waited to drop his last, pre-bedtime nursing until after returning from vacation. Suddenly one evening, I decided to do it. It was okay. He's been a little fussier at bedtime than he used to be, but really not much. I felt sad about ending that part of life, but I was ready to be done with it. Mostly.

I joined a Moms' group at the beginning of this school year, and am so glad that I did. I've made some really good friends though it. Being newish to this area, and then being new to stay-at-home mothering, joining a group was one of the best things I could've done. It's been nice to make some friends though my own connections and I'm enjoying having some friends who have kids similar in age to Edwin.

I've been able to see some spring wild flowers in the wooded park near our house. Violets, Spring Beauty and Mayflowers, specifically. I'm going to a friend's house later next week to walk some trails and am hoping to spy some others.

Two Sides to Mommy Blogs

When I was in high school I often fasted from desserts during Lent. I'm not sure what first got me interested in it since it wasn't really a Mennonite thing, but for some reason, I found that it was meaningful to me. If nothing else, the discipline it required was good for me.

I haven't fasted from anything during Lent for years, but this year, my brother asked me if I was going to and so I decided to avoid Facebook. I found myself getting sucked into it: it's fun to see what others are up to, check out their pictures, etc. But being home some much, I really felt like I began wasting time, and was having a difficult time limiting myself.

What does this have to do with "mommy blogs?" Well, did you ever realize how many are out there? I don't think I really know, but I've spent more time looking at them since I'm not on facebook. I've realized that there are two sides to this virtual world. The one is that I can find a tutorial on most any crafty, sewing, crocheting related item that I'm interested in knowing how to make. That's been a really helpful thing, in fact.

But I also realized a down side to looking at all these mommy blogs. They can really encourage discontentment and envy. Or maybe a better way of putting that is to say that I found those emotions churning inside me. It's not really the fault of the bloggers. It's how I react to what I see and read. For some reason, reading about someone's life or accomplishments online brought out these feelings in me. I'd see some lives that looked so "together" (and yes, I know that's just a myth, but it's still hard to not think some people achieve it, so there must be something wrong with me because I haven't) and then feel bad about my own.

I really enjoy the creativity that is enabled by checking out others' blogs, and the heartfelt postings that are shared, and keeping up with all the random happenings of friends, but I realized that reading random blogs (basically ones where I don't know the writer) can also become caustic if my attitude and heart aren't in the right place.

So it's been an interesting journey.

April 1st Revisited

We're celebrating Edwin's 1st year of life!

I haven't felt overly sad that he's no longer officially an infant and that his baby days are behind him. I feel like he's been a toddler for a while now. But I did get a little teary-eyed last night at bedtime when I was hugging him after we sang his goodnight song and I was about to put him in his bed. I was remembering that I was in labor at that time last year, more than half out-of-it due to contractions (but I must admit, I don't mind that I was so out-of-it: I think it made time feel as if it didn't count so much, and I certainly wasn't bored), and working so hard to bring him into this world. I had no idea who this little baby was going to be. Is it funny that I'm still amazed that my body birthed him? I look at him and am in awe.

So I reread my post from last year in order to reminisce a little, thought about details I didn't post, and thought about how different life is now than it was one year ago.

However, we met up with my in-laws for lunch today and Edwin did have his first candle - in a blueberry muffin that he definitely enjoyed.

Thanks to all of you who thought of him today and sent birthday greetings!