Friday, February 25, 2011

Edwin looked pretty cute as he was playing with a dump truck this afternoon so I thought I'd try a snap a few pictures. You can see for yourself how successful I was.

All he really wanted was the camera. So we settled for a picture together.

But what's really been on my mind today is my frustration with my lack of control when it comes to feeling nervous whenever my blood pressure is taken. Remember when I posted about having "white coat syndrome" while pregnant? Well, it's basically hung around. Now I find myself getting nervous just thinking about having my blood pressure taken. Two doctor visits post-delivery included nervousness and high readings. And I even had Dan take it last night because I wanted to see how it would be, and I found myself getting nervous, and it was a bit high.

I'd hoped it would all disappear after Edwin's birth. Well, it hasn't. It seems like it's here to stay, and it makes me feel ridiculous and as though I'm "failing" in some way. (I try to be perfect, you know. Or at least appear perfect.) Blood pressure is one of those things they worry about when you're pregnant so I feel I'm "doomed" as far as future pregnancies go.

I'm trying to let it go. I'm trying to not worry about controlling it. I'm trying to remember how Jesus calmed the wind and the waves, and how even before he calmed them, he was with the disciples and therefore, they had no reason to worry.

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